The Security for All “Twelve Days of Christmas” series continues.
On the seventh day of Christmas…
Seven dirtiest jobs in IT
Dan Tynan in this article for InfoWorld gives us this list of jobs that are critical but nasty.
Working in IT isn’t always pretty. After all, we can’t all work on the cutting-edge technologies all the time. Some of us have to get dirty — in some cases, literally.
Unfortunately, dirty jobs — whether you’re being chained to a help desk, hacking 30-year-old code, finding yourself wedged between warring factions in the conference room, or mucking about in human effluvia — are necessary to make nearly every organization tick. (Well, maybe not the human effluvia part.)
The good news? Master at least one of them, and you’re pretty much guaranteed a job with somebody. We don’t guarantee you’ll like it, though.
Dirty IT job No. 7: Legacy systems archaeologist – WANTED: INDIVIDUALS FAMILIAR WITH 3270, VAX/VMS, COBOL, AS/400, AND OTHER LEGACY SYSTEMS NO ONE ELSE REMEMBERS. MUST BE ABLE TO TYPE ENTIRELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS FOR EXTENDED PERIODS. APPLICANTS MUST MEET MINIMUM AGE REQUIREMENT OF 55.
Dirty IT job No. 6: Help desk zombie – Excellent entry-level opportunity for multitasking individual with low self-esteem. Ability to read from scripts a plus. Potential to move up to bug scraper, password reset technician, or tape rotation coordinator.
Dirty IT job No. 5: On-site reboot specialist – Seeking individuals for on-site support of end-users. Must be familiar with three-fingered Ctrl-Alt-Del salute and power cord reconfiguration. Ability to withstand a variety of environments and personality types; concealed-weapons permit a plus. Individuals with anger management issues need not apply.
Dirty IT job No. 4: Interdepartmental peace negotiator – Looking for self-starter skilled at moderating tech disputes between warring factions within the same company or between company and its client. Must possess experience in ego-stroking, manipulative massage, and hand-to-hand combat.
Dirty IT job No. 3: Enterprise espionage engineer (black ops)– Seeking slippery individuals comfortable with lying, cheating, stealing, breaking, and entering for penetration testing of enterprise networks. Requirements include familiarity with hacking, malware, and forgery; must be able to plausibly impersonate a pest control specialist or a fire marshal. Please submit rap sheet along with resume.
Dirty IT job No. 2: Datacenter migration specialist – Position involves relocating and reconfiguring datacenter over impossible distances within a ridiculously short time frame. Prior experience as cable jockey, rack-n-stack grunt, console monkey, and/or log zombie a plus.
Dirty IT job No. 1: Sludge systems architect – Seeking individuals with demonstrated ability to squeeze over, under, or between confined spaces to solve technical problems. Candidates should be prepared to work long hours for low pay under adverse conditions. Must not be allergic to sawdust, vermin, airborne pathogens, or sewage.
Actually #3 doesn’t sound so bad. I may just have to beef up my rap sheet, er… resume.