The Adventures of Captain X-Ploit:
Another Crack in the Wall
– Part 4.5 of the epic chronicle –
Captain X-Ploit vs. The Bills
As the heads of zombies rolled and his teammates droned about changing clips and needing med kits, David’s mind wandered. He began to contemplate zombies… and then it just clicked.
David’s character stood still for nearly three minutes and it took his teammates yelling, having lost their sniper support, to bring him back to reality. He hit the chat key responded “I have to go now,” and threw his headset off as he powered down the game and logged online to do a quick confirmatory search.
He didn’t really know what he was onto; he had the first step of a vague plan forming. He could see the beginning but no end. Still something compelled him to throw himself forward into this plan with full force. He reached for his phone and dialed the number on his computer screen.
“Hi, you’ve reached Trustonia Valley Hospital records office how can I help you today?”
“Hi, yes I appear to have been falsely reported as dead.” David responded.
“Oh, dear that is bad! What is your name?”
David scanned the obituary page until he found a suitable sounding name, “I’m Curtis Trent, I desperately need that corrected in all my files as well as a change of address”
“Of course sir, that will just be a minute what address would you like to change it to?”
“1302 Deven Ave, Trustonia. Oh and I have recently changed my name to David Nicholas Stone, if you could update that for me too.”
“Sure thing sir, just give me a few minutes to make those changes.”
About five minutes later David hung up the phone after giving himself a rather ghostly roommate. He then dialed a different hospital and repeated this activity. Continuing in this vein he gave himself over 100 new ghostly roommates, maximizing his time by submitting requests in emails while waiting on the phone.
He then spent the next several hours submitting online requests for unemployment benefits for his new friends who happened to live at the same address as him with the same name.
The day drew to a close and he found himself one step closer to not only paying off his bills but to completing the ultimate exploit. All he had to do was wait for those checks to roll in.
Short but sweet this time and clearly to-be-continued. Our hero continues with his recent penchant for identity theft variants, this time appropriating the identities of folks who are beyond caring what happens to their good name. Now clearly this gambit is only going to work for a short time since even the Trustonia Department of Unemployment, who we assume to be even more inept that the typical real world division of employment, will certainly twig to paying benefits to the deceased with no prior graft arrangement in place. It will be interesting to see what the good Captain has planned with the ill-gotten government benefits of his undead namesakes. Stay Tuned.