The Adventures of Captain X-Ploit:
Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200
– Part 5 of the epic chronicle –
Captain X-Ploit vs. The Bills
We rejoin our hero as he drives onward not into the proverbial sunset I threatened him with. Nay, he drives headlong into the dawn of a new age. No one knew it then, but the world was about to change. Something earth shaking was about to happen that could conceivably rip apart all we have ever known in the world. Perhaps I’m being a bit melodramatic, let me just tell the story as it should be told, with haste and many a punch line.
David was driving home to eat and drink and be quite merry when he saw a posted speed limit sign that informed him that the speed limit was 35 miles per hour. Just as he was reading this sign a police officer in a squad car found fault with his driving and pulled him over.
David was wondering what exactly the officer had found wrong with his driving taking note of his speed of 36 miles per hour. The police officer that emerged from the police cruiser was a rather fat unattractive man with greasy hair and unpleasant gait. He was wearing a police officer’s uniform but atop his bulbous balding head was a cap with a fruity logo on it. David immediately knew that this was not going to end well.
The police officer walked up to the David’s car, adjusting his belt in a superior manner as if to say “I’ve got you now, punk.”
Looking past David as if he couldn’t be bothered with noting the existence of his prey, he said “do you have any idea how fast you were going?” David quickly responded, “Yes. 36 miles per hour,”
“HA! So you admit it, you were speeding,” the annoying man said.
“The speed limit is 35,” David said, pointing to the convenient sign right in front of them.
“Yes, and 36 is a bigger number than 35,” said the cop condescendingly. Tilting his sun glasses down and for the first time giving David a real good look he said “You’re David Stone, aren’t you?”
“I prefer, Pope David,” replied David smiling. The slow witted man seemed confused by this but took it to mean “yes” and asked David to step out of the car. The officer then said “I was going to give you a ticket but I’d really rather take you to jail for reckless driving”. David frowned and said “I’d really rather not if that’s ok,” the cop looked at him again confused and sneered, “Look buddy don’t try your mind tricks with me, it’s jail time.”
The police officer then escorted David to the police car. And off they were to county lockup.
Tune in next week to see if David can escape the clutches of the evil jail!
Reader: What? That’s it?
Narrator: What? I told you it would be earth shaking. I don’t think you understand HE WAS JUST ARRESTED!!! For the first time ever! That’s freaking crazy stuff, man.
Reader: But he didn’t even find an exploit this week!
Narrator: Look! Ok, it’s really hard to come up with a different exploit every week AND drive the plot forward. Sometimes David needs to have stuff happen to him that he can’t exploit his way our off of or he would just rule the world wouldn’t he?
Reader: Sounds like a cop out argument to me.
Narrator: I’ll admit it kind of is, so tell you what if two readers post comments asking for it I’ll release the next episode early. Maybe on Wednesday instead of Friday.
Reader: Does the next episode have an exploit in it?
Narrator: Yes a great one, one so awesome I had to spend this entire episode setting up for it. THAT’S HOW AWESOME IT IS!!!!
Reader: Fine, let’s just hope your devoted readers comment. Because personally I can’t wait.